Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
