no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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