hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
