Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
