Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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