he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
