craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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