I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
