He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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