How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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