they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
