the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
