haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
