11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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