he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is wine microwaveable?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
