i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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