yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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