you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
