I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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