By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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