I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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