i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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