fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
