I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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