gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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