Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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