You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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