Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
