My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
