my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
