Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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