you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
