That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize