you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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