My balls are so social today.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
