During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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