that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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