hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
