You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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