so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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