oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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