just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
