I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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