My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Say something about gay babies.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
