How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
