for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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