he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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