she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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