dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
