the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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