i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she peed on how many people?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
