My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
