so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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