i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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