Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
