I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
