Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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