a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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