Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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