He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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