I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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