Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
