So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
