remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize