i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
