the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have tasted many bathrooms
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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