ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
