Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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